Life After You

She's got a new beau
except he's only a beau in her mind.
The attraction still applies,
and she hopes for the connection also.
Maybe not a "new" beau
from her history of before,
but more of a returning crush.
You are of no more,
the matter has already been discussed.
Life after you awaits
to spring new hopes, new loves, new experiences.
A therapist at heart
to her favorite best friend
about the lingering thoughts of her beloved.
Two love birds no more because of the
disconnection.
There was no connection between she and you
so life after you awaits,
a life with maybe her new beau.

Disappear

It's easy to make someone
disappear
when you don't take the time to find them.
At first you can't seem to go a day
without them,
you use most of your energy
just to find a way to be with them.
You're tired and frustrated
and then you skip a day
and realize that without them
it's so much easier.
There's no stress, no worries, no one
to take care of except for yourself.
Slowly you forget about them
because being with them hurt you.
You don't want to go back to them.
Being by yourself is much better and it keeps
you from falling.
The one day you will find another
that you can't live without,
that will be the day you know that that person
will change your life, wonderfully.

Sunday Pictures

First Love

It's always the hardest,
It's always the sweetest.
It can never be forgotten
and it's one of the most precious memories in life.
I've heard about it
and I wonder how it feels.
Will it be hard for me or easy?
If it's too easy is that even love?
First love will come for me when it does
I just have to wait.

In Your Eyes

Call me beautiful,
Call me crazy.
Call me everything I am in your eyes.
Call me intelligent,
Call me artistic.
Call me independent,
Call me loved.
Call me joyful, 
Call me an individual
Because that is what I am.
Call me anything you see,
Call me anything that I reflect
Because that will be everything I am in your eyes.

Free

I'm free like a bird riding above the ocean waves
with nothing to stop her
except for natural forces.
I'm free like a summer breeze
riding the edges of the skin of people.
I'm free like the beat of my heart
pumping life into my veins.
I'm free like the speed of light
faster, better, unstoppable.

Want and Need

She really doesn't want you anymore.
She really doesn't need you either.
Truth is
She just wanted to see what kissing was like.
Now that she can say she has kissed a boy
You are not needed.
She didn't realize she was manipulating you.
She didn't realize what she was doing
Until now.
She's analyzing everything between the two of you
and she doesn't get chills anymore.
Her friend says that they get excited
every time they see their lover and
She doesn't get that feeling anymore.
It's frustrating thinking that
she knows what she wants
but it's not what she needs.
She doesn't need you right now at all.
She just needs to be with her and her future.
Your future is not the same as hers.
Your future starts too early for her.
She needs at least a decade more
to get her heart straight
while you already have it figured out.
Now she's going to ruin it
by pulling herself out of your life.
She needs to figure out what she wants to be,
She needs to figure out how she's going
to pay for it.
She needs to figure out herself and it was selfish
of her to drag you in too soon.
She's a selfish being who wants
what's best for her in that moment.
Now that that moment is gone,
She doesn't need you in her life anymore
So she'll just walk away.

Honesty

"Honest to God I will break your heart"-30 Seconds to Mars

She thinks
that she will break your heart again.
She can't seem to talk to you
the way she could to a friend.
She can't find a way to make
you laugh with her.
She finds you boring because you don't do anything
with her, for her, and you don't try
to entertain her.
She can go to sleep without hearing your voice.
She can go a day, a month, a year without seeing you.
She doesn't get chills anymore
when she thinks of your kiss.
She's actually disgusted, there's so much saliva.
Eww.
She never actually acknowledged you,
but you were the first one to proclaim
your love to her.
You never even say that she's beautiful.
She remembers back to the first boy that ever said her smile was beautiful, he was the first boy to hold her hand, he was the first boy to say that she was hot, and he was the first boy that she gently scolded  for calling her hot. Now he's the boy that she's talking to and she can understand him. Instead of telling her friends how she's feeling about you, she's telling him. Maybe she moved too fast with you too, but she wanted somebody to love her and you loved her, but now she's regretting it because maybe she doesn't love you anymore, she never actually loved you she just said she did but didn't actually mean it.
She does that a lot
it's a thing.
But you have to understand
that there isn't really any spark between the two of you.
She doesn't really know how to explain it
except
she already did.

My Birthday

I freakin' hate celebrating my birthday.
I mean it's ok but with financial problems,
my birthday isn't at all important to me anymore.
I'll be 18 so I'm officially an adult tomorrow,
but that doesn't mean I actually am.
I don't want to celebrate my birthday.
Spend the money for my birthday on my 
little brother who wants it way more than me.

Distance

She didn't see you at all today.
She didn't get to talk
to you and see
you smile at her words.
She didn't get to walk with you and
laugh for you,
and she didn't get to be by you.
She was distant and mostly it was
the schedule to blame.
The schedule distant the two of you.

Sleep

She couldn't sleep last night,
She thought of you
And how you
Might feel from what she said.
She couldn't sleep last night,
She missed you
Too much.
You should've gone last night
When
You had the chance
But the two of you were too tired.
It's okay. Everything's okay.
She heard your voice and listened to you.
You told her that she should sleep because
She had to wake up
Early the next morning.
She heard you voice
And she relaxed.
She could sleep now because of you.

Voices

So she learned one thing:
She doesn't like talking
to you
and her friend
at the same time.
She would rather just talk to you and be
yours for the moments.
Too many voices
at too many times are trouble
for her ears.

Maybe

She waits for you as she works.
Thinking
and waiting
only for you.
Wondering if she should call you to come
and visit her as she greets strangers
or
if she should just daydream about you coming to her.
She daydreams that you come in your white car
that she loves you driving so much
and she goes up to you
and hug you
like long lost lovers finally reuniting.
She would wrap her arms around your neck
and whisper
in your ears, "I miss you so much."
She would give you a kiss on the cheek
when she would rather just kiss your lips.
She misses you so much right now
and she misses your lips on hers.
She misses
the hunger you both have for each other
and the late night wake ups so the two of you could meet.
She wanted to see you last night but
the two of you were really tired
and slept
through everything.
Maybe tomorrow she can ask you to visit.
Maybe tomorrow she will ask you
to go to floors 3, 4, and 5
so you
can see all the different kinds of art there are
in the building.
Maybe.

Last Night

Last night she waited for you
to call her
until she slowly fell to sleep.
She wondered why
you didn't call her.
Maybe it was the question she asked:  
Do you like talking to me?
You were surprised
and replied:  
Would I call you if I didn't like talking to you?
Maybe I should just call you once a month now.
She regretted
asking you that and wished deeply
that you didn't take it too seriously.
When you didn't call her
the next night, she worried,
but you were probably asleep.
She was right.
When she saw you the next day,
her worries last night disappeared
because she understood your tiredness.

She and You

For the first time in her life
You were on her mind every single day.
She thinks about you whether she wants to or not.
She thinks about you in a good way.
She dreams
of conversations you could have
with her when you're not with her.
She misses you
because she wants you near her.
She can see
you holding her heart in the palms
of your hands forever until the day that she dies.
She can feel
your lips on hers during your distance.
She wants you, she loves you as much as you do.
She is in love
with you because you are in love with her.
She sees how perfect you are
when everyone else
sees that you're mean, aggressive, and ugly.
She doesn't see you like they do
because love is blind.
She kisses you in the dark,
but what she really wants is to kiss you
where everyone can see.
She doesn't care what people think,
she just wants them to see how much she loves you.
You are hers and she is yours.
You may not be bonded by a ring,
but you are bonded by hope, happiness, and love.

Oh Goodness

I'm sick.

How else do you want me to define it?

I have dryness in my throat and snot in my nose that never seems to go away. I have coldness in my hands that requires warmth, I have paleness of my face, I have redness on my nose, I have the look of disaster when I look in the mirror.

Who wants some hot chocolate? I do.